What the Heart Wants
by Melissa Brooks
Summary: Blair needs a new Heart to live and she gets Marty's when she dies.
1. Chapter 1

**What the Heart Wants**

 **His heart felt frozen by fear as he turned the corner in the hospital and saw his worst enemy holding a gun to the head of the woman he could never quite get out of his system.**

 **"This is irony at it's best, the only man here to save you just happens to be the man that destroyed you," Spencer gloated.**

 **"Todd, just walk away," Marty said.**

 **"We all know that's never going to happen. Spencer, what are you doing? You'll never make it out of here alive," Todd tried to reason.**

 **"I don't know about that cause I've got a hostage and a gun and you don't." Spencer shouted.**

 **"I understand that you want a hostage Spencer, why don't you take me. I'm the one that you hate not Marty."**

 **"Todd don't," Marty whispered.**

 **"It's okay Marty cause I'm not going to take Todd up on his offer. He's completely useless as a hostage where as you might come in handy in more ways than one."**

 **"How about if I sweeten the deal then. You take me as hostage and then once you've gotten away, I'll take the bullet that you intended for her."**

 **"No, I've got other ideas. Why don't I just shoot you and I'll take her as hostage anyways." Spencer said as he pointed the gun at Todd.**

 **He grabbed the gun and tried to take it away from Spencer as he pushed Marty away from them. Spencer wouldn't let go of the gun as they fought for control. In all the chaos the trigger was pulled and a loud noise rang out.**

 **Bo and John came rushing into the room and shot Spencer as Todd looked towards Marty.**

 **"Marty," Todd gasped out in pain as he went to her side. There was blood, so much blood coming from her stomach.**

 **"She needs help," Todd shouted as he placed his hands over the wound to try to keep the blood from pouring out of her.**

 **"I'm sorry Marty," Todd said over and over again as Mike and Paige came in the room and loaded her on the stretcher.**

 **"I forgive you," Marty whispered as her eyes closed.**  
 **"We got to get her to surgery," Mike said as he left.**

 **"If she needs blood, I'm the same blood type. " Todd said as he followed them out. She had to be okay, she just had to be.**

 **XOXOXO**

 **"Is my niece going to make a recovery?" Dorian Lord questioned the doctor.**

 **"I'm afraid that her heart is shutting down. I've put her on the list, but if we don't find a match soon, she's not going to make it through the night."**

 **"Then she'll get a match. My niece will hang in there until a match can be found," Dorian said as she left the room. She didn't know if she believed in God, but she would pray like she believed and maybe just maybe her niece would get the miracle that she needed.**

 **XOXOXO**

 **After Todd had donated his blood, he went to the chapel with Starr and Cole to pray for a miracle.**

 **"Todd, what happened? Why are you covered in blood?" Dorian asked as they entered the chapel.**

 **"It's not mine. M...Ma...Marty was shot by Spencer," Todd managed to get out.**

 **"That's terrible, that man has hurt so many people."**

 **"Aunt Dorian, how's my mom doing?" Starr asked.**

 **"Not good. The specialist said that she needs a new heart and she needs it fast or she won't survive."**

 **"She has to survive," Starr whispered as her eyes filled with tears.**

 **"She's going to survive this, she's a fighter. Marty and your mom are going to be just fine, they have to be," Todd said.**

 **"Let's all pray for a miracle," Dorian suggested as she grabbed Starr's hand.**

 **"For once I agree with you Dorian," Todd added as he grabbed her hand to complete the circle of support they had formed.**

 **"I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's news on Marty," Doctor Michael Mcbain stated as he entered the chapel.**

 **"How's my mom?" Cole asked.**

 **"There was a complication, her heart stopped for several minutes. I'm sorry," Doctor Mcbain explained.**

 **"What are you trying to say? Is my mom dead?"**

 **"Physically no, we managed to get her heart beating again, but the damage was already done."**

 **"What kind of damage? Just tell us what Marty needs and I'll do anything to make sure that she makes a full recovery," Todd impatiently stated as his voice rose in volume.**

 **"She's not going to recover. Her brain was deprived of oxygen for too long. We've run the tests and there's no brain activity."**

 **"Then run them again," Todd shouted.**

 **"We did...I'm sorry Cole, right now the only thing keeping your mom alive right now is the machines. Marty was a donor and her heart is a match for somebody who desperately needs it to survive. We need to know if you want us to turn off the machines?"**

 **"You can't do it Cole, don't listen to this quack. Please, your mom's a fighter, she'll come back to us, I know that she will. I'll hire the best specialists whatever she needs," Todd pleaded.**

 **"Heart? You stated that Marty was a match for someone who needed a new heart. Is it Blair?" Dorian asked interrupting Todd's pleas to Cole."**

 **"Yes, Marty is a perfect match for Blair. Without her heart she won't survive. I'm sorry, I really hate to pressure you, but we're running out of time. Do you want us to turn off the machines?"**

 **"This can't be...I can't. Marty's a match for Blair...I can't, I don't know what to do," Todd whispered as he sat down on the bench. He felt sick...he loved Blair, she was the mother of his children, but Marty was his first love. If he was honest, he still loved her, his punishment was that they could never be together. He knew that, but still, he couldn't picture his life without her in it.**

 **"I do, my mom actually already made this decision for me. I just...I just have to be brave enough to see it through."**

 **"What decision?" Todd asked as he looked at Cole.**

 **"She told me that she never wanted to be kept alive by machines. She was a donor for a reason and she would want to donate her heart to somebody who needed it if she couldn't make a full recovery. Run the tests one more time, if their is still no brain activity then we'll give her heart to Starr's mom," Cole stated as he grabbed Starr's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.**

 **XOXOXO**

 **"Can I...can I spend a few minutes alone with her?" Todd asked as he saw Cole exiting Marty's room.**

 **"I don't know if that's a good idea considering..." Cole stated.**

 **"Considering how I've already hurt her beyond repair," Todd finished for him. "I don't blame you for wanting to protect your mother from me, but I'm not going to hurt her. I just...I just want to say goodbye."**

 **"Please Cole, my dad really needs this," Starr pleaded on his behalf.**

 **"A few minutes, but I'll be right out here," Cole said.**

 **"Understood," Todd said as he entered Marty's room.**

 **"I don't know if you can hear me...the doctor's say that you're already gone, but I feel you here," Todd whispered as he sat by her side and took her hand in his.**

 **"I'm going to talk and I want you to listen. In a few minutes the doctor's are going to come in here and turn off the machines. It will be hard, but I want you...no I need you to fight with everything that you have to stay here. Your son needs you, I need you. It's true, you've always been my conscience, my heart, my soul and without you...I'm afraid that the monster will come back. If there's any part of you that can hear me, please stay with me," Todd pleaded as Doctor Mcbain, Cole and Starr walked in the room.**

 **"I'm sorry, but the tests remained the same...there's no activity. It's time to unplug the machines.**

 **"I know," Cole said as he signed the papers.**

 **"Don't leave me," Todd whispered over and over again as the medical staff removed all the equipment and unplugged the machine.**

 **Todd felt as if he was holding his own breath as he watched, waiting for a miracle that would not come.**

 **"Time of death 12:01," Doctor Mcbain stated as he wiped his eyes.**

 **XOXOXO**

 **"What happened?" Dorian asked as Todd entered Blair's hospital room.**

 **"Marty died, they are removing her heart as we speak and I'm sure that they will be here to get Blair any minute."**

 **"I'm sorry Todd, but it's for the best."**

 **"Can I have a few minutes alone with Blair?" Todd asked.**

 **"Yeah, I'll go see where the doctors are," Dorian stated as she walked out.**

 **"I need you to survive this Blair. Marty's death can't be for nothing and I can't lose you on top of everything else tonight," Todd said as he leaned down and kissed her.**  
 **XOXOXO**

 _ **"You've always been my conscience, my heart, my soul...Don't Leave me," Blair heard a familiar voice whispering over and over again, constant and steady like the beating of her heart as she fought through the fog of unconsciousness. The whisper faded like a lost memory with just a brief trace of resonance as her eyes fluttered awake.**_

 **"Blair, you've come back to me...you're awake," Dorian said as she squeezed her nieces hand.**

 **"Was Todd here? I thought...I thought that I heard him say something important, but I can't quite remember what it was," Blair said as the fog of sleepiness dissipated and was replaced with pain.**

 **"He was here, but he left to get some rest," Dorian stated.**

 **"My chest...why does my chest hurt so much? Am I in the hospital? What happened to me?" Blair asked.**

 **"You've been really sick, you almost didn't make it and if it wasn't for Marty you wouldn't have," Dorian explained.**

 **"I don't understand, Marty's a therapist, how could she possibly have helped me?"**

 **"Blair, Marty died last night. You needed a new heart and she was a donor."**

 **"Marty's dead?! She can't be, you're kidding right?"**

 **"I'm sorry, I know this is hard, but I thought that I needed to be the one to tell you. Starr is with Cole and Todd is in no shape to be here."**

 **"It's true...oh my god, Marty's dead. We hated each other, but I never wanted her to die," Blair whispered as a tear slid down her cheek.**

 **"Todd, he must be devastated, I have to find him," Blair said as she tried to sit up.**

 **"You will do no such thing. You just had major heart surgery and less than twenty four hours ago you were at death's door. You need your rest."**

 **"I can't rest. Todd needs me, I can feel it."**

 **"Will you lay back and rest if I call him and tell him to come here?" Dorian asked.**

 **"Yes," Blair agreed as she laid back down.**

 **XOXOXO**

 **Todd sat at Rodi's and downed shot glass after shot glass of Vodka. He had told Dorian that he was going home to rest while Blair was in surgery, but he had just used that as an excuse to leave. Dorian had been so grateful that Blair was receiving another heart and he would have been too, if it was anyone's but Marty's. He was in so much pain, and he was angry, not just angry, but furious. Furious with god, with Spencer, with himself and even with Marty for leaving him when he begged her not to. He wasn't just furious, but he was scared too, because he hadn't felt this much anger since the night he had destroyed Marty. He was afraid that now that Marty was dead, that angry beast that had destroyed her was back.**

 **He heard his cell phone ring and he saw that it was Dorian, probably calling with news of Blair, but he couldn't answer it. His only hope was to keep on drinking until the pain and the anger faded.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Vicki entered Rodi's and saw her brother drinking another shot glass of poison. "Todd," she whispered as she sat across from him.**

" **Don't start lecturing me Vicki, I need this to stop the pain."**

" **It won't help, it will only make things worse. It won't ease your pain, not really."**

" **What do you know of my pain?"**

" **Marty was like a daughter to me, I loved her, so yes Todd, I understand your pain and there's a part of me that wants to join you in drowning out the pain with alcohol, but that's not what Marty would want for me and I don't think that's what she would want for you either, do you?" Vicki asked.**

" **How did you find out about Marty?"**

" **Dorian called me, when she couldn't reach you. Blair's awake and she's asking to see you."**

" **I know that I should be there for Blair to help her recover, I should feel happy that she received another heart, but I just can't. I'm furious that Marty had to die for Blair to be given a second chance at life. Does that make me a selfish monster?"**

" **No, I know that you love Blair, but you also loved Marty. I know that your angry and scared, but don't use Marty's death as an excuse to push the ones that still love you away. Don't give into the anger, resentment and self hatred that you feel and undo all the progress that you've made over the years. I know that you hate yourself for what you did to Marty, but she forgave you, and I think that it's time that you find a way to forgive yourself."**

" **Never…I didn't deserve Marty's forgiveness and I will hate myself for the rest of my life. Twenty years ago I raped her and now I've killed her."**

" **Spencer killed her, not you."**

" **It was my finger on the trigger when the gun went off. I was trying to take it away from him. I wasn't paying attention to where the gun was aimed. I was to busy trying to be the hero to see where she was. My finger slipped and the gun went off and Marty was on the floor bleeding. I did that and I can't ever take it back just like I can't take back the night of the Spring Fling."**

" **It was a horrible accident Todd. Marty wouldn't want you blaming yourself for her death."**

" **Maybe, but she doesn't get a say in how I feel or how I act anymore. I begged her to stay, to fight to live, but she abandoned me, so I don't give a dam what Marty Saybrooke would want anymore," Todd said as he took one last drink and got up from the table.**

" **Where are you going?" Vicki asked.**

" **Back to the hospital to see Blair before Dorian sends anymore reinforcements," Todd said as he left.**

 **XOXOXO**

 _"_ _ **You've always been my conscience, my heart, my soul…Don't leave me," Blair heard his familiar voice pleading with her as she succumbed to the tiredness that had settled upon her as she waited for Todd to arrive.**_

 _ **She was in Dorian's house, only it wasn't her aunt's house, it was hers…it was Marty's, left to her by her parents. She could see Marty sitting on the bed and Todd was there, but he looked the way that he used to look, when he was younger. They had just made love and he was getting ready to leave, only she didn't want him to go. He wasn't like the rest of her one night stands, she had fallen in love with him.**_

 _ **"Don't go…Will you stay?" Marty asked as her voice trembled.**_

 _ **Blair looked at Marty as she felt her anguish and fear of being alone. She wasn't just seeing her, she felt every emotion that she was feeling as clearly as if they were her own."**_

 _ **"Like the whole night?" Todd asked.**_

 _ **"Not the whole night, just a little longer," Marty pleaded as her eyes filled with tears.**_

 _ **"I can't, I'm busy. Get a hold of yourself, brush your hair or something," Todd said and then left."**_

 _ **Blair walked over to the nightstand and grabbed the brush, but when she looked in the mirror, she didn't see herself. She saw Marty's reflection staring back at her as she tried to brush through her curls. The anguish, fear and anger that she felt kept on building until she threw the brush into the mirror shattering it.**_

 **Blair opened her eyes and saw Todd sitting by her side, he was holding her hand and there were tears in his eyes. There was a part of her that was relieved to see him, but Marty's anger and rejection carried over from the nightmare.**

" **What is it Blair? What's wrong? Are you in pain?" Todd asked her.**

" **Why didn't you stay?"**

" **I know that I should have been here for you and I'm sorry. I just…I couldn't, but Vicki came and got me and I'm here now."**

" **Not with me, with Marty. She begged you to stay, she wanted you to stay and hold her. You just told her to brush her hair and you left her in that big house. Why didn't you stay?" Blair shouted.**


	3. Chapter 3

" **Shhhh Blair, please calm down baby," Todd said trying to reassure her as the machines beeped in the background.**

 **He needed to calm her down even though he wanted to ask her what she was talking about. He felt like he had been kicked in the gut...he remembered the night that he should have stayed with Marty clearly. It was the third worse night of his life, followed behind the Spring Fling and tonight, when she died. For a minute, he felt Marty's presence as Blair questioned his reasons for leaving.**

" **I must be drunker than I thought," he muttered under his breath.**

" **You should have stayed with Marty that first night that you made love. I can feel how much she loved you and how devastated she was when you walked out on her. Why didn't you stay?" Blair asked as the doctor came in and gave her a sedative.**

" **What did you say to upset my niece?" Dorian asked as she entered the room behind the doctor.**

" **He didn't upset me, it was Marty," Blair whispered as she succumbed to the sedative.**

" **What's going on Todd?" Dorian asked as she glared at him.**

" **Hell if I know, she woke up and demanded answers about something that doesn't concern her. What happened between me and Marty was between us...Blair's wrong, Marty never loved me, she couldn't have," Todd said defensively as he dropped Blair's hand and left the hospital room.**

 **He went up to the hospital roof-top to be alone and to get some fresh air. He thought about the things that Blair had said, he thought about Marty and for a minute he thought about taking a step off the ledge just so he could be with her, wherever she was, but he knew in his heart that she wouldn't want that for him, so he just stood there, staring into the void of the night.**

" **Is it possible, did you love me like I loved you that first night?" Todd asked although he knew he would never get answers to that question.**

 **XOXOXO**

 **Blair woke up the next day and Todd was sleeping in the chair next to her. "Marty," he whispered in his sleep. He was devastated over her death and Blair couldn't help but feel guilty.**

 **Todd opened his eyes and caught her watching him sleep.**

" **How are you feeling?" He asked her.**

" **I heard about Marty, I'm really sorry...I wish that she didn't have to die for me to get a second chance, but I'm glad that I'm still here with you," Blair said honestly.**

" **At least I still have you," Todd said as he kissed her. "Do you remember what happened last night? You asked me why I left Marty on the first night that we were together...why would you ask me something like that?"**

" **I didn't mean to upset you...it's strange. I know that Marty's gone in here," Blair said as she pointed to her head, "but I still feel her presence here," Blair whispered as she grabbed Todd's hand and placed it over her new heart...Marty's heart. "Last night, I had a dream, only it felt like a memory, only it wasn't my memory...it was hers."**

" **It was just a dream," Todd whispered although he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.**

" **I thought that I hated her, but now that she's gone, I just feel sad. I don't want to let her go and if I feel this way then I know it's got to be ten times worse for you."**

" **Yes, I miss her and the pain is unbearable, but being here with you, it's helping me more than I thought it would. I love you, I was going to give this to you later when the timing was better, but I think that we both need something happy to distract us from the pain. Will you marry me?" Todd asked Blair.**


	4. Chapter 4

" **You almost died! Don't you understand that? I almost lost you!" Todd exclaimed excitedly when there was no immediate answer to his proposal.**

" **Yes, you almost lost me and you did lose Marty. This is a big decision Todd, we've been married and divorced so many times and I don't want to keep making the same mistakes with you. Life's too short for that."**

" **What are you trying to say Blair? Are you trying to tell me no?"**

" **I want to marry you Todd, but only if you're certain it's what you want. I don't want this marriage to be about a distraction from the pain, I want it to be about love."**

" **I do love you Blair and the truth is that Starr and I picked this ring out before you got sick. I know that we've made this step before only for it to end in disaster because I lied to you or cheated on you, but never again."**

" **You weren't the only one who made mistakes," Blair whispered.**

" **I know...we're two perfectly flawed people, but our mistakes are in the past. You were given a second chance at life and I don't want to lose any more time hurting one another. Please marry me and I promise it will be for the last time."**

" **I'll marry you Todd. I never loved anyone the way that I've loved you," Blair accepted his proposal. He slipped the diamond ring on her finger and then kissed her.**

 **XOXOXO**

" **Mom, how are you feeling?" Starr asked as she entered the room with Cole by her side.**

" **Better, I'm sorry about your mom, Cole. She and I didn't always get along but I'm going to miss her. You mean so much to my daughter and you mean so much to this family. Please, if there is anything that you need, don't hesitate to ask. Do you need a place to live? You can come and live with us if you need," Blair offered.**

" **Mom, that would be great. Cole, you can share a room with me," Starr exclaimed excitedly.**

" **Not a chance in hell," Todd objected.**

" **Why not?" Starr whined.**

" **Todd, I really want to make sure that Cole is taken care of," Blair argued.**

" **It's okay...I really appreciate the offer, but my mom made arrangements for me to live with Nora if anything ever happened to her and I think that would be for the best," Cole quickly explained to diffuse the awkward situation.**

" **Oh...okay, if you change your mind just let me know, we'll always have room for you at our house," Blair stated.**

" **Thanks...I appreciate it. I'm glad that your feeling better. The funeral will be on Friday, just family and friends. I don't know if you'll be well enough to attend, but I wanted to give you the details in case you can make it," Cole said as he handed the invitation to Blair.**

" **Thank you Cole," Blair said as she pulled him in for a hug.**  
 **XOXOXO**

" **What was that all about?" Todd asked as Starr and Cole left the room.**

" **What?"**

" **Why the hell would you invite that boy to move in with us?" Todd asked.**

" **Because he's my son and I'm going to make sure that he's taken care of whether you like it or not," Blair challenged.**

" **Don't you mean he's Marty's son," Todd corrected as he looked at Blair quizzically.**

" **Yes, that's what I said."**

" **No, you said my son. He's not your son Blair, he's Marty's."**

" **Yes, I know that. It's just been a long day and I must be tired."**

" **Yeah, that must be it. Get some rest, I'll be back soon," Todd said as he kissed her forehead.**

" **Where are you going?" Blair asked as she saw Todd head for the exit.**

" **I need to talk to Vicki about something, but I'll be back before you wake up," he promised as he left.**


	5. Chapter 5

" **Todd, how are you doing?" Vicki asked as she saw her brother enter the kitchen.**

" **Not so well."**

" **Do you want to talk about it?"**

" **Everyone knows about soul mates...what they don't know about is soul enemies," Todd stammered as he paced in the kitchen.**

" **I know that you and Marty have always had a special bond."**

" **We were bonded by tragedy, but it was there. We were fated to be in each other's lives no matter how we tried to avoid one another. Do you think...do you think the bond that we shared, fate, or whatever you want to call it is stronger than death?"**

" **I think that Marty will always be in your heart and in your memories, but she's gone Todd."**

" **Is she? I'm not so sure of that. I know it sounds strange, but I think that Marty has found a way to come back to me."**

" **Todd, why do you believe this?"**

" **Blair has been having dreams of being Marty, but they're not just dreams, they are Marty's memories. Earlier today Blair called Cole her son. Can I ask you something?"**

" **Sure, what do you want to know?"**

" **After your heart transplant surgery did you ever dream things from Ben's point of view?" Todd asked her.**

" **No, but it's possible that Blair has survival's guilt and is subconsciously dreaming about Marty as a way of dealing with her death."**

" **Yes, that makes sense and Blair has been tired, maybe she just called Cole her son by accident."**

" **Are you and Blair going to the funeral?" Vicki asked.**

" **I don't know if I should be there. I want the funeral to be about her life, I don't want it to be about me."**

" **I understand, but I think that you should go even if it's after every one else has left. I think that you need some closure and need to say goodbye to her."**

" **I'll think about it. On a happier note, I asked Blair to marry me and she accepted."**

" **That's great Todd, but did you ask Blair to marry you because of her or because of Marty."**

" **Honestly, a little bit of both, but I do love Blair and I want to spend the rest of my life with her," Todd explained.**

" **Then I am happy for you," Vicki said as she hugged Todd.**


	6. Chapter 6

***Broken Memory***

 _"_ _ **You've always been my conscience, my heart, my soul...Don't leave me," she heard his familiar voice pleading as she drifted to sleep. Unconsciousness had taken her back to Marty's childhood home, long before it had become La Boulaie.**_

 _ **Marty was there, she had just stepped out of the shower when the doorbell rang.**_

 _ **"Just a minute," Marty called out as she wrapped a towel around her and headed to the front door.**_

 _ **Blair could feel Marty's heart racing as she opened the door and saw Todd standing there.**_

 _ **"What are you doing here?" Marty asked as she tried to disguise her anticipation as annoyance.**_

 _ **"You said that you would help me study for the calculus exam, don't you remember," Todd said as he entered the house.**_

 _ **"Oh...right, I'll just go and change and I'll be back," Marty said as she began to leave.**_

 _ **"Or you and I can try out some of the other rooms in this house," Todd whispered seductively as he grabbed Marty's hand and pulled her into his arms.**_

 _ **Blair could feel Marty's feeling just like before. Marty was attracted to Todd, she was still in love with him, but she was scared. He had left her once before and he would do it again once he got what he wanted. It was better for her not to give in to the feelings of desire. She needed to push them way down and focus her attention on her relationship with Suede. She didn't love him, but he was safe.**_

 _ **"It's not going to happen Todd. I'm with Suede now and if you can't respect that then you should just leave," Blair heard herself say, only it wasn't her voice it was Marty's and she was the one in Todd's arms.**_

 _ **"No, I really need your help on this Test, I'll be good," Todd promised as he released his tight hold around her.**_

 _ **"I'll be back down in a few minutes," she said as she headed up the stairs to change.**_

 _ **After she changed, she walked downstairs and found Todd sitting on the couch, waiting for her. She sat by his side and together, they worked through several problems.**_

 _ **"It's no use, I can't focus on anything besides you," he whispered as he leaned over and kissed her. She felt his tongue enter her mouth and she couldn't pull away, she didn't want to. His body pressed against hers as he continued to kiss her and his hands reached up under her shirt until they found her breasts. He traced and kneaded her nipples with his skillful fingers as sweet moans escaped her lips.**_

 _ **"I can't believe this, I thought you were studying," she heard Suede say.**_

 _ **She pushed Todd away from her as she sat up.**_

 _ **"We were studying, This isn't what it looks like," she tried to explain herself.**_

 _ **"You're never going to change. Everyone was right about you, you're nothing but a slut," Suede said as he stormed out.**_

 _ **"Forget about him. I'll help you feel better," Todd said as he pulled her in for another kiss.**_

 _ **"Stop, I don't want you. You ruined everything between me and Suede and I never want to see you again. This was a mistake, you're nothing but a mistake," she said as she slapped him across the face. She grabbed her books and headed up the stairs. She couldn't be with someone like Todd Manning. She had to find a way to get him out of her system before loving him cost her everything.**_

 **Blair opened her eyes and saw Todd sitting next to her.**

" **What were you dreaming about?" He asked her as he brushed the wisps of hair out of her face.**

" **You, I was helping you study for a calculus exam. You started kissing me and Suede walked in. He was so angry, he called me a slut and walked out. I was angry with you because I didn't want to love you. I was certain that loving you would be my undoing. I slapped you and told you that you were a mistake and I headed upstairs."**

" **It was just a dream," Todd whispered as he froze. He knew it wasn't just a dream, everything that she had dreamt about had happened. Marty had rejected him, she had slapped him and called him a mistake. He had been furious with her and plotted a revenge on her, that not only destroyed her life, but his as well.**

" **Only it wasn't just a dream, it happened didn't it, but it happened between you and Marty. These broken memories are hers, aren't they?"**

" **I don't know. It really happened, but perhaps your subconscious is just reliving things that I've told you about. You might be having these dreams because you miss Marty so much. I think that we should go to her funeral and say goodbye. Perhaps then, these dreams can stop."**

" **Perhaps, but I'm not sure I want them to stop," Blair whispered as a tear slid down her cheek.**

" **She's gone Blair, we'll say goodbye to her together," Todd said as he kissed her forehead.**


	7. Chapter 7

***Saying Goodbye***

 **It had been a long day, Blair had been released from the hospital and now they had to find a way to say goodbye to Marty.**

" **Will you help me get dressed?" Blair asked as they arrived to La Boulaie.**

" **Of course," Todd said as he helped her up to her room.**

 **Everything was different now, this house wasn't the same, everywhere she looked she was reminded of Marty. It was her house first. She opened her bedroom door and could almost see the mirror that Marty had shattered when Todd had rejected her. She gasped as she realized that her bedroom had once belonged to Marty.**

" **What is it?" Todd asked with concern as he helped her sit on the bed.**

" **This is her room isn't it? This is the same room that you left her heart broken after you had made love?"**

" **Yes it is...I suppose it's the reason I've never liked living at La Boulaie," Todd whispered as he looked around.**

" **Yes, that makes sense. I need to find something to wear," Blair said.**

" **No you don't," Todd said as he grabbed a box from underneath the bed.**

" **What's this?" Blair asked.**

" **I brought you a new dress," Todd said as he handed her the box.**

" **It's perfect," Blair exclaimed as she pulled the black dress out.**

 **Todd helped her change into the dress, it took longer than she expected, she was tired and felt winded from the simplest of movements.**

" **Are you ready?" Todd asked as he helped her put on her jacket.**

" **As ready as I'll ever be."**

 **XOXOXO**

 **Todd and Blair arrived at the Saybrooke Mausoleum. It appeared that everyone had already said their goodbye's and left. Their was just one other car in the parking lot.**

" **The funeral's over. I wanted to give my condolences to Cole," Blair said.**

" **We will at the house, I know that you wanted to be there for the funeral, but I think it's better if we say our goodbye's in private," Todd said as he squeezed her hand.**

" **You're right, it's better that way," Blair said as Todd helped her from the car.**

 **Todd and Blair opened up the doors to the mausoleum and could hear her familiar voice echoing through the chamber as a woman dressed in black placed her hand on Marty's closed casket.**

" **I'm so sorry you were forgotten. What once was two became one," the woman said as she wept.**

" **Mama, what are you doing here?" Blair asked as she went to Addie's side.**

" **I'm so sorry Blair, she was forgotten, what once was two became one. She was lost and two became one," Addie cried out as she placed her hand on Blair's cheek.**

" **I don't understand mama."**

" **Two became one, two became one," Addie said over and over again as she went back to the casket.**

" **I think that we need to get you back to St Anne's," Sister Agatha said as she came and placed her hands on Addie and began to gently guide her towards the exit.**

" **Why did you bring her here?" Todd asked Sister Agatha.**

" **Maybe it was a mistake, but she was so agitated when she saw the obituary. I thought that it would help her to say goodbye, but maybe I made things worse," Sister Agatha explained.**

" **It's okay Sister. Mama, I'll come visit you tomorrow," Blair promised as she gave her mama a gentle hug.**

" **You found what I lost. One became two again," Addie whispered as she placed her hand over Blair's heart. "A mama always knows," she said as she walked away from Blair and Todd and headed out with Sister Agatha.**

" **What was that about? I didn't even know that my mama knew Marty."**

" **I don't know, but I promise that I will do everything that I can to find out," Todd promised as he wrapped his arms around Blair.**


	8. Chapter 8

**It had been a long day and Blair was exhausted. She and Todd had said their goodbyes to Marty, but it still didn't feel like goodbye to her. She wished that she could stay longer with Cole, but she was struggling to keep her eyes open any longer.**

" **Let's get you to bed, you've had a long day," Todd said as he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. He helped her change into her nightgown and laid down next to her, wrapping his arms around her.**

 _ **You've always been my conscience, my heart, my soul...Don't leave me," she heard the whispers of her heart say as she drifted further into unconsciousness.**_

 _ **She was at a fraternity party, the banner, KAD Spring Fling was hung on the wall. She saw Todd coming down the stairs with a blow up doll in his hands. She quickly became angry when she saw the sign with the words "Marty, the party girl," written on a sign that was taped to the blow up doll's chest.**_

 _ **"I like your date," Zach commented to Todd.**_

 _ **"She's completely easy just like the original. She gives it up to anybody, all you have to do is ask," Todd said as he winked at Marty and tossed the blow up doll into the crowd.**_

 _ **"She's the perfect date for you, she's a complete air head just like you," she said as she punctured a hole in the doll's neck and deflated it. "I saw the results to your Calculus exam, looks like you flunked. No surprise there, lazy and stupid."**_

 _ **"You're just upset that I didn't stay after I serviced you," Todd retorted.**_

 _ **"You call that service, you were nothing but a disappointment from start to finish," she added as she went to the table and picked up the shots and began downing them.**_

 _ **"Come on you two, let's settle the differences over a chugging contest," Milton stated as he handed them a mug of beer.**_

 _ **"Try and keep up," Todd said as he began chugging out of his glass.**_

 _ **She lifted her glass to her lips and drank until it was all gone and she slammed it down seconds before Todd. "Looks like you're still a loser, she said as she got on the table and began to dance.**_

 _ **"Marty, I think that you've had enough. Why don't you go and sleep it off in my room?" Kevin stated as he helped her to his room.**_

 _ **She was tired and didn't feel very well. "Maybe you're right...I just need to sleep," she said as her eyes shut.**_

 _ **She was seconds away from a deep sleep when she heard the creaking of the door. She saw Todd, Zach, and Powell enter the room.**_

 _ **"What are you doing here? I'm trying to sleep," she said.**_

 _ **"You can't sleep, the party is just getting started," Todd whispered in her ear as he grabbed her in his arms and forced her to my feet.**_

 _ **"Let me go," she demanded.  
"Okay, Zach wants to dance, isn't that right?" Todd asked as he pushed her towards Zach.**_

 _ **She felt tired, dizzy and sick as Zach held her in his arms as he spun her around. He dropped her in a chair and spun it around and around and around as they laughed at her.**_

 _ **"Let me go," she said as she tried to get off the chair and make her way to the door.**_

 _ **"Where are you going? We share everything in this house, especially a slut like you. Lock the door Powell," she heard Todd say to Powell.**_

 _ **"I don't want to," Powell mumbled.**_

 _ **For a minute, she thought that he would help her.**_

 _ **"Don't be a pansy Powell, lock the door," Todd shouted.**_

 _ **She screamed for help as Powell locked the door.**_

 _ **"No one can hear you over the music," Todd said as he pushed her on the bed.**_

 _ **She was sore, tired, and humiliated and felt as if her heart was being shattered into a million pieces as Todd ripped through her clothes.**_

 _ **He climbed on top of her and held her hands down as he unzipped his pants with one hand and pushed himself into her.**_

 _ **She looked around the room and saw a stuffed Lion and focused on that until she could fill Todd releasing himself into her. The shutters were banging and she could hear the rain pelting on the house. She wished that she could crawl away and die, but she couldn't, so she tried to disappear inside of herself.**_

 _ **"Batter up Zach, you're next, she's been dying for it," she heard Todd say as he climbed off the bed and sat down in the chair.**_

 _ **She was still crying for help, but her voice had faded as her throat was raw and hoarse.**_

 _ **"Shut your girlfriend up Zach," Todd ordered.**_

 _ **Zach grabbed a sweatband and shoved it in her mouth as he climbed on top of her. He pounded into her over and over again until he released himself into her.**_

 _ **"Your turn Powell," Todd ordered as Zach pulled out of her.**_

 _ **"I can't," Powell cried as he ran to the window.**_

 _ **"Be a man and do it," Todd taunted over and over again until Powell turned back around.**_

 _ **He pulled the bloody sweat band out of her mouth.**_

 _ **"Please don't," she pleaded.**_

 _ **"I'm sorry, but I have to be a man," Powell whispered as he climbed on top of her.**_

 _ **He pushed into her over and over, for what seemed like hours, but he couldn't release himself.  
"It's no use, I have nothing to give," Powell said as he climbed off of her.**_

 _ **She was too exhausted and she closed her eyes and pretended that she was at home playing the piano as her parents smiled at her. She thought that she had heard them leave, but then she felt a blanket being placed over her.**_

 _ **"I hate you and I thought that this would destroy any love that I ever felt for you, but it didn't work. I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone, but despite everything I still love you," she heard Todd whisper and then felt a gentle kiss on her forehead.**_

 **Blair heard sobbing as she awoke and realized that the sounds was coming from her.**

" **Blair, what is it? What were you dreaming about?" Todd asked as he wrapped his arms protectively around her.**

" **Don't touch me, don't ever touch me again," Blair said as she pushed him away from her.**

" **It was just a nightmare Blair, let me help you," Todd said.**

" **It wasn't a nightmare. It was a memory of the worst night of her life. I always knew that you were a rapist, but having her memories of that night it changes everything. I took your side and I blamed her, but it wasn't her fault. It was yours. You're nothing but a monster, and I never want to see you again," Blair said as she took off her ring and through it at him.**

" **Blair, please don't do this. I love you," Todd pleaded as his eyes filled with tears.**

" **I heard you, she heard your confession that night. You don't know what Love is."**

" **What confession?" Todd asked.**

" **You covered her up with a blanket after the three of you raped her. You told her that you hated her, but despite everything you still loved her. How could you rape somebody that you loved?"**

 **Todd felt sick, he had never told anybody of what he had said that night. Marty was unconscious, she didn't hear him, she couldn't have, but how else could Blair know?"**

" **Marty," he whispered as he realized, that somehow, someway, she was here in Blair.**

" **Get out, I can't even look at you right now. You disgust me," Blair said as she climbed off the bed and headed to the bathroom.**

 **Todd could hear her heaving, he wanted to help her, but he couldn't.**

" **I got you to forgive me once and I'll do it again," Todd said as he placed the ring in his pocket and left.**


	9. Chapter 9

"Todd, what are you doing here so late?" Vicki asked as she opened the door to find her brother. He was drenched from the rain and Vicki could tell that he was upset. "What happened?" Vicki asked as she let him in.

"Marty happened. Blair had a nightmare about the Spring Fling and she kicked me out."

"Why? Blair knew years ago what happened between you and Marty, she's always been on your side, so why would she kick you out now?" Vicki asked.

"It's one thing to know what I did, it's quite another to have memories of it. Blair didn't just have a nightmare, she had Marty's memories and her feelings. Marty isn't gone, I know that it doesn't make sense, but she's a part of Blair now."

"Todd, I don't know why Blair is having these dreams, but Marty is gone. It's not healthy for you or Blair to hold on to her."

"You don't understand Vicki. Marty's not gone, I know that now. Blair remembered something that I said the night of the Spring Fling, when it was just me and Marty. Marty was passed out, I didn't think that she even heard me, and I never told anyone else, but Blair knows what I said. The only way that she would know is if Marty heard me and is a part of her now."

"What did you say?" Vicki asked.

"It doesn't matter. Blair is furious with me, she hates me, she gave back the engagement ring. I know that it's late and it's an inconvenience, but I don't want to be alone right now. Can I stay here with you for a few weeks?" Todd asked.

"You are my brother and this is your house just as much as it is mine. You can stay here as long as you need," Vicki said as she hugged him.

"Thanks Sis, it will only be until I can find a way to get Blair and Marty to forgive me," Todd stated.

"You can take the guest house," Vicki stated.

XOXOXO

"Blair, honey, are you alright?" Dorian asked as she knocked on her niece's bedroom door.

"No, Todd and I had a fight and I kicked him out," Blair explained.

"What did he do this time?" Dorian asked as she sat by Blair's side.

"He raped Marty," Blair whispered as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Yes, but we knew that already. I think he's a despicable human being that nobody should forgive, but you fell in love with him despite that. He's always been honest about that with you, so why are you so angry with him now?" Dorian asked as she looked at her niece quizzically.

"It's not my anger that's the problem, It's Marty's."

"I don't understand."

"I remembered what he did to her and how she felt. He shattered her into a million pieces when he raped her and she's never going to forgive him."

"Marty's gone Blair," Dorian said as she wrapped her arms around her.

"She's not, she's a part of me now. I'm getting her memories and her feelings."

"Blair, I want you to make an appointment with a grief therapist."

"I'm not crazy Aunt Dorian."

"I never said that you were. Marty is gone, and I think that you are suffering from survivor's guilt and I don't like that you are pushing Todd away because of it."

"You don't even like Todd, so why are you taking his side?"

"I'm not, but I know how much you love him and I know how much he loves you. When you were sick, he stayed by your side. There was no one that fought harder for you then he did. I just, if you decide to end things with him, then I want it to be based on your feelings, not based on some misguided dreams and feelings that you think are Marty's. Just think about what I said and get some rest," Dorian stated as she kissed the top of her head and left.


End file.
